Have you ever just been genuinely, completely and utterly lost? Like, lost. Seriously lost. You don't know which way is up (or down or under, for that matter), you can't really tell when or if you ever really will and you just hope that at some point you find your way.
I got a new job recently, and I love it. I love everything about it. Except the fact that I don't know what I'm doing. In the least little bit. I have not even the smallest clue. I know nothing about what my job description, duties or responsibilities are and I just keep showing up in hopes that at some point it'll all come together for me and I'll know what direction I'm going in.
Now, I admit, some of this is isn't my fault. I've never worked in this particular industry before. I've never been in a corporate setting before, because I've never had to and I don't know how things should go. I don't blame myself for that. What I do, however find completely embarrasing is that there's a lot that I should know how to do and have no clue, again because I've never had to. Configuring an email through word? Sorting things in excel? Filling out online forms with adobe and then emailing them to people? Wha? It's so much. It's too much. And I'm really just angry at myself that this is a realm that I never learned. It's embarrasing. It's almost too much to bear. (Bare? I don't even know, and I cannot possibly be bothered to care.)
So I've taken the liberty of enrolling in some courses on excel and other things that I won't mention because they are probably so simplistic that I'd like to not further embarrass myself with even mentioning them. Hopefully I can pull it together sometime very very soon, because I like my job, and I want it to work out.
I also don't know why I beat myself up over other things that I don't know, but couldn't possibly know. Like how they do things, where to find certain information and where they keep the coffee filters. I assume that I'm supposed to automatically know things, and it just isn't so. I'm impossible sometimes. To be continued...
